Do you have babies, toddlers, or preschoolers? Or possibly, all of the above? If you are trying to homeschool older children with little ones tagging along, you know that there is an extra curve ball in your day and it can be overwhelming. There are tantrums, nursings, diaper changes, and mischievousness in general that can and will ensue.
Like any good modern day parent, we take to the internet to find the solution. What do I do to get through a day and educate my older kids while still taking care of my younger children? There we find all kinds of suggestions: busy bags/boxes, nanny, send to preschool or mothers day out, full curriculum for little ones, special toys or apparatus to entertain, or even just give them a screen to distract them! As a mama of 6, I can say that I have done many many of these suggestions and more to try and wrangle my little ones during school time. Today I have a solution for you. Yes, I have the tested and approved solution. Are you ready for it?
INCLUDE THEM IN YOUR DAY
Yes, that one simple trick is my tip! Do I still face tantrums? Do I still have to nurse at random times (feed on demand)? Do my kids still need diaper changes at the most inconvenient times? Yes. Yes. and Yes! I was interrupted typing this paragraph to deal with all three of these things. Life happens and I can choose to section parts of my life into little time and people compartments, or I can just live my life. Before we started school, I didn’t worry my schedule much. Our day was more open. I began thinking this past year when I became frustrated with a curious and emotional preschooler, an over demanding toddler, and a clingy sleepless newborn, why was this year so much harder?
I realized its because I couldn’t balance everything. I wanted school time to be school time, baby time to be baby time, and for the toddler to just entertain herself for 10 minutes without destroying something. I had sectioned everyone away into their little compartments, but life just doesn’t work that way in a big family. Because my children are more than little boxes on my to do list. My children are more than things to get out of the way each day, they are my purpose and calling.
You are as much serving God in looking after your own children, training them up in God’s fear, minding the house, and making your household a church for God as you would be if you had been called to lead an army to battle for the Lord of hosts.
~ Charles Spurgeon.
This is my calling, my ministry and my beautiful messy life. I don’t want to just go through the motions to get to what is next, but want to accept and cherish each chaotic moment along the way. We have accepted the idea that we are creating an atmosphere, discipline and life with our educational pursuits – a Charlotte Mason ideal if you recall. We can’t do that and shut away our little ones from everything we are doing for hours of the day.
So how do we include them? How do we find balance between mothering and educating? Our little noise and mess makers who are learning self-control and basic skills like obedience, patience, and so much more need us just as much as our big noisy, mess making, school aged children.
For me the first step was to look at our natural routines and rhythms. When are natural nap times, when do we get hungry or tired, when is the weather nicest for getting outside, and so on. From there I could develop a schedule, a very, very loose schedule and find a way to make our days flow naturally without as much stress.
If you too are looking for that balance begin by looking at your natural routine, what are the non-negotiable things in your daily and weekly activities. Then develop your routine or rhythm based around those, making sure to mentally prepare yourself for days that won’t necessarily look Instagram worthy. Things happen, kids are sick, the washer breaks, etc. The rhythm or routine is to help you have an idea of what a day should look like, not a slave driver.
Do you like lists? I love lists. So here is my top 7 tips for homeschooling with littles to help guide you in the forming of your family routine and how to homeschool with little ones in tow.
1. Inclusion in the Home
Make sure to include them in your daily activities. There are few easy ways to include them, but don’t over think this. Just bring them right along side you as you do your lessons.
- Read and lead during meals and snacks. Food makes for a captive audience.
- Provide books or toys nearby the lesson area for the littles to access freely.
- Provide free art supplies for littles to grab and color right along side the big siblings. My children love small chalkboards with chalk, color wonder markers and paper, stampers, and reusable sticker pads.
- Allow them to participate in discussion if they are asking. My preschooler always wants a chance to narrate, and sometimes I’m shocked at her retention and analysis.
- Have them help set out materials, prepare lunch, do small household chores. Come along side to instruct and work together.
2. Interruptions Happen
Interruptions are going to happen. Mentally prepare yourself for this, and try not to get frustrated when that saggy bottomed baby comes in needing changed or the preschooler has a meltdown over who knows what. The best way for me to accept interruptions is to plan extra time in every activity. If I want to do 20 minutes worth of work with my first grader, then I schedule out 30 minutes to do it in. If I need to be somewhere in 30 minutes, I plan to be in van 45 minutes before we need to be there. It’s that backwards time math all parents learn to do, and can easily be applied to our school days to prevent frustration.
Another aspect of interruptions is habit training. Our little ones need to learn patience and self-control. Sometimes this means asking them to wait a minute while you finish a task, or helping guide them to a proper activity. They know that you are available to them, but still have the opportunity to start learning this very important habit. On the other end, sometimes my big kids need to learn to do some things independently so that I can tend to the little ones. I try to make sure that we start our day by going over the expectations, so if we are interrupted by a need, my big kids can find something to do independently until I can return to help them.
Children are not a distraction from more important work. They are the most important work.”
– Dr. John Trainer (not CS Lewis as many attribute this quote)
Let us remember that though we do need to finish school lessons with the big kids, our little ones are just as equally needing our time, attention, and love. It just won’t look like when our oldest was little. We have to change and adapt to the new setting of big kids and little kids. All our children need us, and while that is overwhelming it is also humbling. We have the great privilege to educate all our children both in book knowledge and world knowledge. Let’s embrace those little interruptions with calmness, acceptance, and love.
3. Routines over Schedules
Schedules are awesome– if they work for you. However, in a big family with lots of littles rigid schedules do not work. I can’t always teach a math lesson from 9:00-9:20 because one day it works well, the next day at 9 the baby needs to nurse, the next day at 9 the toddler needs to potty train, etc. However, I can say we need to get one math lesson and one reading done between 9:00-10:00 am. Then I have more freedom to get done what needs to be done, while still embracing those interruptions.
For me breaking our day into hours or blocks helps the most. I’m not rigid about the times, but it gives me a loose flow for our day, and helps the children to know what to expect and to know that school will not just continue on until forever on a day when all the littles lose their minds and chaos seems to reign.
Ours is morning blessings, breakfast and bible, independent work, morning time, table work, lunch, outdoor time, quiet time, free time and afternoon occupations, dinner, reading, bed.
4. Read More Books
An easy way to include your littles and keep them happy is to read books! Don’t settle for whats popular or cutesy, find good quality books that even you enjoy reading and looking at. Books you are willing to read over and over again.
Sarah Mackenzie at Read Aloud Revival suggested years ago on a rough day when a small child is just struggling, for you as the parent to sit down and just begin reading aloud. You will be amazed, but in general the child will come and join you. You don’t have to invite them or make any overtures, just read. They will be drawn in to the calm and the story.
When you can’t get anyone to focus on school, and the little ones are running amok or mopey or who knows what, get some snacks and a book. Sit down with food and a good book and see how your day will change. My little ones love to read not because we make them read, but because they see us doing it all the time! Its a family habit now.
One problem we had arise with this solution is that my toddler started to “read” her books louder than I was reading and no one could here. Honestly, not sure what the solution to this is because my baby just started doing this too. It tends to be a family trait that one Ray must speak louder than any other Ray who is talking…guess we have a new habit to work on.
5. Get Outside
I’ve said it before and I will say it again. GO OUTSIDE! When possible take your lessons outside, then the little ones can run around while you have school with the big kids. Perhaps you have the option of having an older children mind the younger ones outside while you focus on a lesson with another child. Whatever solution works for you, I promise going outside will only benefit all your children, but especially your younger ones.
It’s tempting to set them in front of a screen, and sometimes it is the solution in our home. Especially when everyone is sick or its raining, and we just need to sit still and rest, but it should not become the normal or expected. It should be reserved as a privilege or reward which comes out only from time to time. There are many families out there who don’t have any screens, and their kids are doing just fine.
6. Fail to Plan or Planning to Fail
I’ve touched on this a bit, but planning is the fun part for many of us homeschool mamas. And there are so many nice and shiny things out there. Don’t do it. Don’t be tempted by the shiny and bright new curriculums. Your little ones don’t need them. They need freedom to create, to play, and to explore.
Also, remember the flexibility rule? Plan extra time. Plan more time to complete any task at any given time. You won’t be sad when you find yourself with extra time on your hands, but you may find a road to frustration if you don’t have enough time. That flexibility will allow you to welcome interruptions, work carefully with your older ones, and give you a chance to breathe.
On the rare occasions that we do end up with extra time on our hands, I give my older kids free time. I simply tell them, “Wow, you worked so hard. I am proud of you. Today you have some extra time to do as you please. You can work ahead on the next task or have some free time. Just remember we start the next task in [x] minutes.” This works wonders. My first born always chooses to work ahead so she can finish her day early. My second and third born often choose to play. My fourth born almost always chooses to run around outside and take the toddler with her. It’s a win-win situation. Because I get a breather, and sometimes I even can do something of my own choosing!
7. Habits
The habits of the child produce the character of the man.”
Charlotte Mason
Habits are a worthy education for little ones, and one we have discussed previously here on the blog, as they are a crux of Charlotte Mason education. Everyday our children are forming habits and we as parents have it within our discretion to direct them towards good productive habits or leave them to their own ways and development of poor habits.
The mother who takes pains to endow her children with good habits secures for herself smooth and easy days; while she who lets their habits take care of themselves has a weary life of endless friction with the children.
Charlotte Mason
I think in this day and age we undervalue the importance of cultivating good habits in ourselves as well as in our children. What does this have to do with homeschooling with littles? Mama, take the few extra minutes to show them how to do something properly so that later on it doesn’t become a moment of frustration and contention for either of you. Taking the time to train them carefully and properly can save headaches.
Think of making the bed, sure you can tell your child to make their bed, but if you want it done right you need to show them and help them a few times until they get the hang of it. Then its an expectation you know they can complete, and you can then work on the habit of daily bed making. After its is done consistently well without reminder you know that the habit is formed.
Take it from my personal experience, its much harder to train out a bad habit than to take the time to establish a good habit. Unfortunately, I missed this truth early in motherhood an am paying the price in several places of our lives to this day. Not in all things, but in a few key areas we missed the mark. Charlotte Mason compares that to having to change the lines of a well worn railway. It will only come with much work that could have been avoided if laid properly the first time.
Is it really as easy as all that? No, not at all. Its life. Life is messy, chaotic, and complicated. Perfectly, perfect days that look like what you see on social media are few and far between, because we are all human and we are not perfect. However, its a guideline to hopefully help you find smoother days with little ones tagging along for your day. Remember, even those little snapshots we see online are only glimpses into their days and are not the whole story.
Rejoice in the smooth days, rejoice in the turbulent days. Seek the Lord for guidance and strength on all the days. And remember when all else fails say a prayer, gather all your kids, grab a book, get some snacks, and head outside (if possible).
May “The Lord bless thee, and keep thee: The Lord make his face shine upon thee, and be gracious unto thee: The Lord lift up his countenance upon thee, and give thee peace.” Numbers 6:24-26
May God bless your homeschool!
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